i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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