she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
