last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
