All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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