God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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