You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
