I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
