That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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