You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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