She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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