her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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