I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
