Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
