yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
