Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
