Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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