I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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