and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
