sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
