I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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