is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
