I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
