hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
