He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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