On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
