I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
