dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
