I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
