the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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