Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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