He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
