I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
