drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
