Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
