Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
