Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
