i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
