so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
