Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
