so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
