Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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