I just saw a hot homeless man
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize