shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
