I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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