He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
