Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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