I will die if light touches me.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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