I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
