I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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