I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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