So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
