theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
