Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
