This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
