"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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