take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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