Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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