C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
