and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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