Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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