Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
