So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
