I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
