I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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