Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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