and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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