how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
