i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
