im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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