I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
