this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
