fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My hand turned me down
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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