Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
