Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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