i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
