I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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