He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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