Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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