So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
