I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
