he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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